Dilemmas

I've been feeling restless lately. Not an unhappy restless, or one that consumes my every waking thought, but this constant tugging on my heart that comes and goes. It's the feeling that I'm not doing enough to help those around me. Making a difference in someone else's life. I think I've just been feeling so blessed here recently, that I want to pass that along. Make sense?

Okay, then here's my dilemma...Who do I help? Examples that I've encountered in the last 3 weeks.

Dilemma. The homeless guy holding the "Need Money, Need Help" sign, but is texting on his iphone. Do I help that? Dilemma. The lady at our church who seemingly plays victim, constantly asking for help financially and emotionally. She has been misleading and dishonest about what got her in these financial and emotional situations, and she doesn't know that I know she's been dishonest. Do I help her? Delimma. The teenage girl at church who painfully struggles with insecurity. It's in her eyes, her posture, her mannerisms, and voice. My heart literally hurts for her. Do I grab her, hug her, tell her how beautiful she is and the things that are big deals now won't be big deals in 5 years? Or do I let her figure life out and that insecurities actually don't go away with age? They just change? And I don't even know her. Dilemma. My Compassion kid, Junior- 3 years old, who may not get 3 meals a day, may have 2 outfits to choose from, and who goes to school at Compassion, works on his family's farm, AND helps sell the items in the local market (which btw his village has hit hard times). My question here is not do I help him. My question is, is my $48/month making a difference? I know it provides him the opportunity to go to school and for new clothes, but is it enough? Dilemma. The friend who clearly is in an abusive relationship (verbally and borderline physically). How far do I go to help her, when she won't take the step to break it off?

Dilemma. Do I help, or am I enabling??? Because here's the thing. I want to help. NOT ENABLE. The elderly person clearly struggling to take their groceries to the car? That's easy. You help them. These other situations? I'm torn.


I think everybody feels that they want to make a difference. I feel that. I just want to do it, sacrificially. I want it to require something of me. I want to go visit a third world country (preferably Tanzania so I can meet Junior), completely out of my comfort zone, and love on all the kids because I don't know how much of that they are actually getting. I want to help the homeless guy who actually needs it. I remember being a junior at TU, on a business ethics class trip to Chicago, when a few of us came into contact with a homeless guy asking for money. Instead of giving it to him, we invited him to go to dinner with us and we picked up the tab. That meant something. I want to help the young girls that struggle with insecurity by having an influence on them. being an example to them (which unfortunately means that I need to work out some of my own issues).

Where do I start? No idea. I did choose to interact with the teenage girl (because I know her mom). The response? A bawling mother who pulls me aside at church only to tell me how thankful she is that I did that. That her daughter has a different demeanor, stands up straighter, has lost some of the fear she had. So then I went home and bawled my eyes out. Because I didn't realize that my chance encounter with her (outside of church that I had completely forgotten about because it didn't seem like that big of a deal to me), would have that much of an impact. How many opportunities do I let go by because I'm not looking for them?

Please understand that I am not saying this to convict anyone or make myself look better. It's just what's been tugging at me lately.